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About Varied / Hobbyist BriannaFemale/United States Recent Activity
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It's difficult to find a perfect space to just think, to relax, nowadays. It's a constant cacophony of raging sounds and voices trying to be heard over each other. Rising ever higher to the point where you don't know who's voice is who's. Or who's talking. It's at times like these that I just feel like I need to shut away the world. Find a way to stop the endless noise if even for a little moment of absolute silence. Some rare few moments have occurred where I was able to shut out almost full conversations, drawing away in my sketchbook, and emerging from this glorious silence I created temporarily confused but with a finished sketch staring up at me. I can never remember how I do it, all I know is when I do it and where. 

I have often been asked where I wander so aimlessly in those times. I find that it's actually fairly difficult to explain, and even I don't fully understand what goes on in my mind when I wander off from the world around me. It's almost as if I were somebody different, somebody new, walking around my mind. Looking at ideas as if I were not the one who either originally thought them up or the one who is currently thinking them up. Getting lost in worlds I have created partially for putting into words on paper, but mainly because I feel I need to get lost, to escape from the world around me and traverse far reaches into unknown lands of various colorings, walk across galaxies, fight great foes on a distant planet and then be back in time for supper. 

In my mind I am many things. I am a very intelligent individual who can't be fooled by even the most cunning of tricksters. I am a small child just seeing the exciting world for the first time. I am an important member of an elite group of superheroes with the power to comfort those who are dying and scared, to let them know that they will be alright soon enough. I am a monkey swinging through the branches of a vast forest of the lushest, most glorious trees you had ever seen. I am soaring through the cosmos at the speed of light, soaring off through the constellations like a comet. 

I am free.

Free to think about the most random thoughts. Like "What if narwhals came from a planet far from Earth in search for a habitable sea because theirs ran dry?" "What if I were a Flora Colossus like Groot and could grow the most lovely flowers to hand random people?" "What if there were no sickness in the world and no one killed anybody and there were no wars and the worst bit of fighting would be what to watch on the television or something like that?" 

But sometimes... 


I get too lost.......

I start to think too much....

I start to think of things that are sometimes so dark and deep that I can't escape the pit of emotions I've randomly concocted. I wonder to myself if people are better off without me. If the world would go on without me. If anyone would miss me. If they even noticed me in the first place. These thoughts happen more often than I'd like to admit. They happen so suddenly too. I'd be thinking of swirling pink clouds in an endless golden sky then a random scenario pops into my head that makes me question everything that I am.

Then I remember.

I remember smiles that I have brought onto people's crying faces as I comfort them and let them know that they are important if not to the world then at least someone. Even though I feel sometimes that I am not important to anything.

I remember laughter that I have evoked by a witty remark. Even when I sometimes believe I sound like an idiot. 

I remember pats on the back and warm handshakes for being kind to others. Even though I feel as if it was no great feat.

I remember comments on stories I have shared on social media sites and in my little hometown. I remember how they say that what they just read was remarkable, brilliant, well written, and beautiful. Even when I feel like I didn't do anything remarkable, brilliant, well written, or beautiful.

I come back to myself when I remember these things because they make me look at myself clearer. Without my skewed self evaluations. They make me see what those people see. They make me see that I can be something if I put my mind into it. They make me see that I do have a place and that I am appreciated for what I do. They free me from my roaring thoughts, worse than the noise I'm shutting out.

And I come back to myself.........

And it is quiet.
Hi! Sorry this isn't an update of any of my chapter fics I've done. I can't quite figure out how to continue them sometimes. I will get back onto those when I do.

As for this. I had intended for it to be an original story but it just sort of became a drabble. I don't really know what overcame me to randomly type this up but.... Yeah..
HeartBeat1 zpsb80b8290 by serenity-luvs-leo

A/N: Hey! So sorry for the very long wait. I had and still have a bunch of things going on at the moment and might not update quickly, but bear with me. Those who I owe oneshots to know that I am trying my best to get things done. Congratulations to Mizz90Avenger for the winning cover in the cover contest! The cameos may not come in this chapter but will appear in later chapters. Onto the story!

"You can't fool me Loki." she hissed as we paused in the hallway. "How could you pretend to die and not think of what the impact on people in your life would be? (y/n) has gotten worse and worse these past few weeks after I told her the news of your death." I could only stare at the shorter woman speechless. "I-I didn't know of her condition, and Odin told me before I was sentenced to life in the dungeons that she was killed in the attack I led on New York. Every one else I cared about was dead. I didn't know." I spoke with tears threatening to spill from my eyes, my voice sounding somewhat foreign and broken. Serenity's expression softened as she noticed my distress. "I will bring you to her, but if you try anything-" I cut her off. "You'll kill me. I know." at this Serenity smirked. "And I'll make sure you stay dead." ha ha, what a funny mortal.

~Your POV~

The room was dreadfully silent despite the soft beeps of the heart monitor. It's drab grey walls mirrored the mood that you've had for what felt like months but had only been mere weeks. The only light in your dull world had been taken from you. You stare at the small piece of paper that you had been sketching on, taking in the image of the man you loved. It hurt you knowing that he was gone. But you kept telling yourself that soon you'll see him again. You kept the hope of seeing him again in the afterlife close. After all the doctors did say you have about three weeks left. You'll be able to be with him soon enough. 

You are snapped out of your reverie by the sound of footsteps entering your room. Who could be visiting at this time? The steps make their way to the curtains you had asked to be drawn and you freeze as you see who it is. It can't be, unless you've gone mad or are dying and he's come to take you to wherever people go after they die. You hope it's the latter because it would be a bit cruel even if you would be reunited with him to hallucinate him. Loki just stands there for a while staring at you with a mix of many emotions crossing his face that it was hard to tell what the emotions were. Why was he not speaking?

~Loki POV~

I step into (y/n)'s healing chamber and I hear some sort of beeping sound coming from behind some drapes concealing the far side of the chamber. I carefully make my way to the drapes and stop as I step through taking in the sight of my love pale and grey, no longer her usual glowing  (s/c), her beautiful  (h/c) hair gone and in it's place a handkerchief. She has lost weight, she looks as if she could break at any minute. The most shocking thing to see was that the shine in her beautiful  (e/c) eyes seemed to have been replaced with a dull tired look. (Y/n) looks at me from her small electronic bed where she is hooked up to several machines, it seems as if she is expecting something.

I cannot trust my voice to not break to speak at the moment. The sight of the only one who truly accepts me looking like this makes my emotions war with each other. "Loki?" (Y/n)'s voice weak from illness softly brings me from my cloud of emotions and I step closer to her bedside and sit in the chair next to it. Her gaze follows me with a look of wonder as I sit down and take her hand. "A-am I dead?" She utters quietly, and I finally find my voice. "No my dróttning, no you are not." My voice is so soft I myself barely hear but (y/n)'s expression turning into something like sadness tells me she heard. "Are you a hallucination?" She says gently a hint of hurt in her tone. It pains me to hear that. I kiss her hand softly and look her in the eye. "No I am not my dróttning. I am very much here, I am alive." Her face lightens a little at my words and my heart warms a bit. "They told me you were dead." I close my eyes, opening them after a moment. It pains me that she was told that and that I am mostly to blame.

"It was an illusion I created to make them believe I was dead. I did it because I believed that everyone I loved was dead, Frigga was killed in an attack by dark elves and Odin had told me you were killed in the attack over New York which I had been brainwashed into doing. In my mind at the time I had nothing to lose so I staged my sacrifice in order to have the throne. Which was actually quite simple. Odin had fallen into Odin sleep and it seems unending." My voice wavers halfway through the explanation and I see tears forming in (y/n)'s eyes. I gently wipe them away. "Oh Loki." She breaths softly and envelopes me in a suprisingly strong hug which I reciprocate carefully, not wanting to hurt her. After a while she breaks the comfortable silence. "Can I just say something that I've come to?" I pull back to look at her face and see some of her fierceness shine through the tired dullness. "What?" I humor her. She makes to look as if she is seriously considering something, making me a bit nervous. "I really hate Odin." With this I start laughing and she joins me, I don't quite remember the last time I laughed and it feels a bit alien but it is welcome and I don't know the last time (y/n) laughed but she still sounds like a Valkarie when she laughs. 

~To be continued~
Heartbeat p3 (Loki x Reader)
Hi!!!!! I am sooooo sorry for the wait. My writer's block seemed to forget that I was writing Loki x reader fanfiction instead of season 4 of Sherlock. I was also busy with a but load of stuff and finally found some time to crank out a chapter. To those I owe commissions as prizes for the contest which was won by the lovely :iconmizz90avenger: who made the cover for this story. I'm sorry for making you wait note me for your commisions I lost my notes for them. The lovely :iconmickeyluvsbeastboy: helped me with some of this story and pushed me to continue it, thank you Mickey!

*Dróttning is old Norse for queen, and a Valkarie is basically the Norse equivalent of an angel*

Chapter 1 ----> serenity-luvs-leo.deviantart.c…
Chapter 2 ---> serenity-luvs-leo.deviantart.c…
Chapter 3-----> You are here
More of my work----->  serenity-luvs-leo.deviantart.c…


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MessiFan18 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! :)
serenity-luvs-leo Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much!
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Thanks a million for the watch!!!Huggle!Heart

It really makes me happy and mean a lot to me!!!Heartw00t!

serenity-luvs-leo Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You are more than welcome! You deserved it
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Thank you so much!:hug:

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Hi! Thank you for the watch!
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Thanks for the watch :D
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Thanks for the favs!!!:D (Big Grin) 
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